.elbisivnI

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, we won't even know the reason why.
Today (November 22nd, 2006) is the first time I'm writing (typing) a post-page in invisible ink...and so, I can type anything I want. _ I'm not at home now. I'm in the lounge area at my girlfriend's workplace. It is 03:38 in the morning. No one else is here. _I tried to sleep earlier before coming here, but I only tossed and turned. Usual. My mind is not at peace. Deep inside, I'm depressed...yet, I cannot complain to anyone. Very few will understand.
As Christians, we're supposed to always look happy and pretend that everything is just hunky dory and fine and dandy. If we tell others how sad life is, they'd begin to think there's something Wrong with our religion...and our faith. _For four years and three months, I had a business partner who kept telling me to walk by faith. Well, I walked by faith, all right...and look just how MUCH I've lost._ I walked by faith and finally, I walked away. Betrayal of trust. _I wonder where the 180K Skyline is, today. Guess it's probably lying in some junkyard (is junk yard, two words??) around Selangor state. *sigh*_
I wish I had the 5 Series Touring, which I mentioned on my post dated November 02nd, 2006. Of course, at the rate I'm going, that'll be wishful thinking, seeing that I haven't had any proper income for many years now. _Eversince I quit performing with Explorers II in 1995, my life has been going downhill. _Been screwed out of payments and earned almost next to nothing from late payments and very little salary, from all the post-production houses and recording studios. The jingle industry is a lousy industry. _2006 is Eleven years of going downhill. Who cares! _When the Hewlett Packard Pavilion 6506 came to the end of its lifespan last month, only Therese mentioned "we'll try to figure something out"... Most didn't even notice that I wasn't online for days. - And these are the type of friends I have? _ugh. But Therese sent SMS and gave encouragement. I sat on my bed and pondered upon those words. And then, Susan Swenson made an effort to call from Minnesota and ask how I was. All I said was:"I'm still the same, Susan." _l.o.l._ Well, what else could I say?? _Somehow she knew I was hurting inside. _Only a few can feel the emotion. People like Therese; Susan...and even that blind girl in Missouri, Kelly. Probably because she's blind, her other senses are sharper than most who DO have sight. Commended her and said that I was impressed at how well she typed and spelled words, when those who do HAVE sight, can't spell even basic, simple English words. Sad cases. _Kelly kept apologizing for every little thing. I told her to STOP it! - She doesn't need to apologize to me, if computer technology ain't perfect. I already KNOW it ain't perfect. This is why I ask people to write down my phone number. But do they? ... or do they just give excuses after excuses? _I know Tina Hendricks told Dawn Kester that I removed her from my Friends List. hmnn! Those involved with the ministry have a tendency to be insincere, so said my ex-business partner. Well, I did find out, after all...and I don't know WHAT the big deal is. If an Address Book got stolen or accidentally fell into a fireplace or a drain by the roadside...what then? We're no longer friends? _ ohh brother...sheesh. _
But I understand how emotional people can get, over the internet. There were times when I felt truly touched, when Susan or Therese had said something over the phone
(or mentioned something in an E-mail) which actually made me wanna cry. _Anyway, I don't expect Americans to FULLY understand the cultures; living conditions etc. of another country, anymore than I can expect Malaysians to understand "the right to keep and bear arms", which is the Second Ammendment to the Constituiton of the U.S.A.
Is anyone gonna say "I love you Celestino", now? - Doesn't matter. None over the internet need to love me...until I'm dead. When I'm dead, they can GOSSIP all the more about me.
Exactly one week from today, I'll be in Golden Sands. - I am NOT looking forward to it. Four UNPRODUCTIVE days without a computer will tend to make me dull and stupid. (Idiots will use the word: 'bored'.) Because all they think about, is having fun. _Fun, fun, fun. What's so fun about life, anyway?_
Christmas is next month...for most people. As for me, I observed Christmas on August 18th. _I will NOT reply to any SMS; E-mail; offline message etc, which says X-mas. If they can't be bothered to include the name of Christ, they might as well call themselves X-tians...and go watch the X-Files and X-men on TV. _
O Lord. I wish I had a cheeseburger from McDonalds right now. But then again, I can't afford it. And besides, there won't be any McDelivery at this time of the McMorning - 05:31hrs.
WELL...Today at the age of 43, I'm McCold; McBroke and McHungry. _McBankrupt, even. - All right, bankrupt...from listening to all the well-meaning, good-hearted people. _Feet are cramped - Shank muscles ache - Can't lift heavy objects anymore - left knee aches at least twice a day. _How much more THANKFUL can I be, I don't know. _Hurray for Perskindol!
Yippee Dee Doo Dah; Yippee Dee Dayy!
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